Life Update 2021

I’ve been really busy since I started with my new company and I haven’t really sat down and poured my thoughts out in a journal for the past, well, six years. It’s Monday morning (as in 12:40 AM) and I’m sitting in the WIR floor typing this on my laptop.

Whilst sorting the freshly laundered clothes, I thought to myself, how am I? And am I still the same me as of 2017?

I stopped and conjure an answer that’s very basic “I’m good.” Which is actually true.

The pandemic has brought the whole world into another form of anxiety and to be honest, we probably needed that. We had to stop and think and appreciate all we have and be thankful that we have what we have. It’s a bit mouthy and a little confusing but that’s how 2020 was for me.

We got the virus mid 2020, we fought the virus, we survived the virus. And I kept a steady income, did not leave the house for the entirety of the lockdown, followed masking/shielding mandates, got really, really, really depressed around December to February 2021, but recovered. And today, I am happy as can be. In fact, I can finally say I am genuinely happy as I have for the past 27 years — that’s saying A LOT!

I’ve always had depression during my pre-adult and young adult life. That stems from [probably] how I was raised, the community I grew up in, the anxiety I have from people around me, the childhood traumas I have that have kept in the baul for so long. I don’t go to therapy, but I feel like I did. Maybe lockdown has made my partner my therapist lol.

Or maybe it’s just the manic high I’m feeling right now.

There have been days where I feel like it’s so bad, I need to cry. But I don’t remember those days anymore. I don’t dwell on them anymore. Believe me, I’m still the pessimistic bitch that I am, however I feel like the bad stuff that happens to be has been negated by the fact that I got COVID last year. Cos how bad it’s gonna be? At least I still have my sense of smell and taste.

Wow, so much to unpack here but here we are. I just thought I’d let it out my chest and let the internet know how I’m feeling. Maybe if I put it out there, I’d be jinxed and have bad days ahead (see I’m still a pessimist).

Thank you for reading my entry for today, good bye.